livingtwolives

br kul 7.15pg. pagi - most quite time of day. the babies r still asleep. aisyah sure bgn lmbt hr ni sbb mlm td kul 2.40 br tido. skrg ni x cukup tido bknnye psl baby baru tp baby besar. haih. byk benda nk buat pg nih tp layan net jap. lapo dah nih. hr ni nk msk mee kari. skrg every sunday aku akan masak menu special. this is the 4th sunday for this new routine. past menus was spaghetti, kue tiaw kungfu ng lontong. idea menu special ni sbnrnye nk menutup kemalasan aku nk masak byk kali on sunday. aku masak pg n then the whole day akan mkn la menu spesel tu. ptg nnt br masak nasik. hehe.

a few days before he reached 3 mths old, arshad pusing. cepat plak sorang nih. x silap dulu si aisyah start pusing after 4 mths. jalan pon lmbt. dh sthn 3bln++ br jalan. merangkak phase punyerlh lame smpai itam lutut anak dara aku tuh. skrg ni arshad dh blh meniarap lame sket cume die blum pandai lg nk pusing tlentang blk tp dh on the way la.

so stress!!! gaining weight lg. boring!!! hr tuh mase dlm pntg dh "slim" btul aku rase. mase cuti byk mkn (biaselah). mak aku kate xpe nnt blk sabah jage 2 org intan payung tuh sure kurus nyer! tp skrg dh ade maid (blk hr). aku masak je. mane la x gain weight?! cmno nih? seriously i’m so body-concious rite now. dh mls nk bgmbr & bile tgk cermin jeh mesti depress. y oh y do i hv these fat genes?

alhamdulillah, che abg aku dh book umah setelah 3 thn keje jd govt servant nih. kt shah alam 2. x sbr nk dok umah sdiri. skrg nih dok kumpul idea nk hias umah. igt nk start buat scrapbook la. tp ng dua bdk kecik tu smpt ke? nnt2 lah. bile free jeh sebok nk surf net or nk tido. wey mane ade can nk tido kalo bdk2 x tido. kalo sorg tido sorg lg jage. haiyo. nway, umah yg che abg aku booking tuh semi-d link. kembar 4. tp yg oknyer kt blkg umah x link sume. half je link, lg half - walkway yg aku berangan nk letak wasing machine. hai, berangan2. walopon semi-d link, tanah x la besar mane. tepi 10kaki, dpn 15kaki sbb kami amek intermediate unit. blh amek corner unit hr tuh tp saje la sedar diri. jimat sket. laman tu cukuplah nk buat taman mini. isk berangan lg =p bg aku umah tu cukup cantik. sesuai lah dgn bajet kami. our unit x smpai 200k. dpt rebate 6k lg tuh. hmm x dpt nk share gmbr umah tuh. ntah np ntah xleh nk insert image…

oklah, better stop now. lg 10min kul 8. nk mandi n nk masak. lapo!!!

hina sangat ke jadi cikgu?

my little victory

alhamdulillah, aku selamat melahirkan anak ke2. mmg ade org kate xpress rakyat tp nak buat camne dh rezki. mase aku atau dulu pon aku tkejut. susah gak nk terima. yelah aisyah kecik lg. aku rase x puas lg aku main ng aisyah. mase nk g hospital nk bsalin hr tu menangis2 aku nak tinggalkan aisyah. aku takut aku x dpt tgk die lg. dok hospital 2 mlm pon rindu bkn kepalang. skrg ni pon tensi sbb masih x dpt dukung die. yelah, dlm pantang mane blh angkat yg berat2. bile dah ade adek ni tibe2 aisyah nampak macam besar sgt. dh blh jalan, gigi pon dah tambah jd lapan. kuat membebel walopon xde butir kate. yg seronoknyer die pandai sayang adek die. sehari kalo x bkali2 cium x sah. kdg2 aisyah buat xpresi geram ng tgn nak picit2 adek die. hehe. tp sempat gak la adek nye tu kena tampar, hidung bcalar, perut kena tekan. isk bahye nk tinggalkan dieorg berdua je. hehe.

mase bsalin aisyah dulu, aku x dpt mnyusukan die. well, i did for a while. tu pon die dh umur 3minggu br mula. n x kerap pon sbb awal2 lg dh minum susu formula. dgn arshad alhamdulillah aku dpt nyusukan die. itu pon sbb nurse2 kat hospital sipitang x jemu2 tlg aku. mulanye arshad x dpt nk mhisap. so 2x nurse tpakse bawak die pegi for stimulation. pas2 aku plak x dianugerahkan dgn nipple pjg so it was hard work for both of us. sbnrnye aku hanye susukan arshad 2minggu je. ibu minta maaf arshad, ibu xde kekuatan jiwa nak susukan arshad selama yg ibu mahu. aku tertekan sgt dlm 2minggu tu. at first everything seems ok. pastu arshad kena kuning n kuning die x mau turun. dok ulang alik hospital x sudah2 sampai aku demam2 kluar masuk umah. & then i suffered quite severe sore & cracked nipples. it came to a point that i dreaded for the moment arshad wants to be breastfed. kesian arshad. menangis2 nk susu tp ibu plak lengah2kan. i couldnt take it anymore. aku rase aku mnyeksa anak sdiri. i was depressed. i couldnt sleep n had very small apetite to eat. i couldnt smile n a lot of time i just stayed in the bedroom. i was also crying a lot. mase nak decide stop breastfeedg, susah sgt. it was the hardest decision i had 2 make in my life. i cried when i made that decision. & i cried still, thinking bout him missing my breast milk n i missing breastfeeding him. aku cube gak lg breastfeed arshad mase tu tp aku x tahan sakit n aku rase aku mnyeksa die lg… n u might say, "nape wani ko x perah / pam je susu ko n bg die?". ntah lah. aku rase cam it’s either breastfeed or bottlefeed. it’s either or.

but breastfeeding him for 2weeks was my little victory. only my husband congratulate me because he knew how much i wanted to breastfeed. i highly respect mothers who r able to breastfeed their children. i am jealous! breastfeeding doesnt come naturally for all mothers. some have to work very hard, some r able to breastfeed in the deliveryroom right after giving birth. to those who really can - dont stop. dont ever stop. (i mean not until ur baby is 2 years old la).

manusia & dugaan

fact: i am so STRESSED OUT with my job.

sekolah aku satu sesi. masuk kul 7pg, blk kul 3ptg. kalo ade meeting blk kul 5ptg camtu. i was always tired. so so tired. ni senarai tugas rasmi aku kat skolah:

1. guru matapelajaran BI (5 kelas - 16jam++ waktu mengajar)

2. guru kelas

3. setiausaha panitia BI (thn dpn naik pgkt jd ketua panitia)

4. ketua guru penasihat persatuan BI

5. guru displin - penyelaras displin tg5

6. guru penasihat kelab bola jaring (which i dont even play - ever)

7. guru penasihat kadet polis

8. guru penasihat rumah sukan - waja (kaler merah)

ni blum masuk lg ahli AJK itu ini. nak tanda buku lg. nak semak kertas exam lg. sp yg rase jd cikgu senang mmg nak kena penampar ng aku. serius! & yet we r hardly appreciated nowadays. mmg ade cikgu yg ntahapehape. tp biasela kerana nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga. tp whatever la. the point is i’m depressed that i wanted to quit my job. i was so stressed that i only gain 6kg when i was pregnant with arshad. with aisyah i gained 20!

but then…

aku bace artikel pasal this one hsewife yg kematian suami (because of an accident) & they were married only for 7mths. it made me thinking. aku alhamdulillah lengkap sumenyer cume stress ng keje je. i mean what is that?!

last week one of my colleagues lost her baby. meninggal dalam kandungan. she was due nx mth. we were always talking bout pregnancy & babies. mmg dh ajal tp aku x tbyg… isk. insyaAllah si kecil tunggu di sana kak…

manusia dgn dugaan masing2. be grateful wani. be grateful.

tv oh tv.

korang nak glak kat aku gelak la. tp aku cam suke plak tgk sehati berdansa. yg plg aku suke sbb dieorg buat utk kebajikan. pasangan yg plg aku suke (& jeles) - vanida & shidi. isk jelesnyer. looking at them u’ll see that they love each other very much & the best part is they seem to be still in love with each other. jelesnyer.

aisyah, my little baby girl is going to be one soon. so soon i cant believe it. she’s so tall now n she has started to panjat2 here and there. n pantang tgk ibu die kat notebook mesti nak nyebok. mula2 blakon interested dulu, pointing her finger at the screen with oohs n aahs, n then hentam2 keyboard notebook aku sampai tcabut huruf ‘E’. isk dah la kerajaan bg pinjam je nih. nasib baik x severe sgt.

i’ve always thought that all my babies would have a party for their first bdays. celebrated with close family, relatives n friends. tp kite dok jauh la syg. ibu x bsemangat nak buat party. really wish that we live near to my family right now. barulah best kalo buat first bday party. everybody in my family loves u so much syg. u r their first everything. but don’t worry, nnt ibu ayah beli bday cake kat aisyah k.

alhamdulillah living n working as govt officers in sabah means a lot of allowance. masalah duit tu x la teruk. blh menyimpan n berjalan. tp boring lah dok jauh. xleh buat first bday party, xleh g kenduri kawen kawan2, xleh g mcm2 warehouse sale kat klang valley tu, etc. i’m really hoping that by 2009, kiteorg dah pindah blk semenanjung n hopefully somewhere near to shah alam (or shah alam itself). we r planning to submit our application to transfer next year. doakan ye.

cakap psl bjalan nih. i am making sure that skali sthn kiteorg mesti g jln. mase cuti sekolah ujung thn la. last year we went to jb. saje nak kenang zaman2 bcinta dulu. this year we r going to kuching. in 2 weeks! tpakse cptkan sbb ujung thn ni xleh g jalan mane2. aku ni sbnrnye dh 5 6 kali dah g kuching sbb dulu pakcik aku dok kuching. pastu skali tu g golden holidays ng akma, shah n hasnur. kali ni pegi nak attend wedding zuria belah husband die. n of course la jln2 skali sbb che abg aku x pnh g sane. we r going for 3 nights. nnt lah dah pegi br cite. igt ujung thn dpn nak g jln langkawi plak. isk awalnyer rancang. thank God for hotels with govt rate. hehe.

aku tension sbb aku batuk n idung aku tsumbat. and i’m sooo easily annoyed when my hidung is tsumbat. rase xnk buat satu keje pon except for berbaring2.

hepi. tentulah hepi. hr ni pak lah umumkan kenaikan gaji. kumpulan pengurusan & profesional dapat kenaikan 15% and i’m in that kumpulan. nasib baik hr tu aku x mhrp dpt kenaikan 20%. hr tu dok pk kalo dpt 10% pon syukur sgt dah. so 15% is really great. according to pak lah effective date is july 1. so insyaAllah dgn kenaikan gaji tu aku dapat increase saving aku per month sebyk 100% and blh tambah byr ptptn per month from rm200 to rm500! tp not all those planning come from the 15% increase. from my dear che abg - nafkah (bentuk duit belanja) naik gak. naik 200%! woohoo! jgn lupe - duit die pon duit kite gak. eheh.

terus terang aku cakap br skrg aku rase btul2 bsyukur dpt keje gomen. yelah, kalo nk banding aku ng kawan2 lain mmg beza lah. most of korang keje bdn korporat ng gaji yg tentu2 besar dr aku. tp kenaikan gaji ni mmg means a lot to me. buat mase skrg lah sbb next kenaikan gaji blum tau bile lg (maybe lg 20 thn) and harga brg2 tentu akan naik. nway, dgn gaji baru, aku rase cukup untuk aku hidup senang. cukup aku nak byr hutang. cukup aku nak makan. kenaikan gaji ni cam sinar cahaya kebahagiaan jugak lah…

satu benda yg aku belajar kebelakangan ni ialah bile kite x bkire, rezeki tu insyaAllah dtg. percaye lah…

so kepade peniage2, pemborong2 dan segale jenih org yg mjual x kire la barangan ke servis ke tolong lah jgn nak naikkan harga. aku ni berangan nak menyimpan ng byr hutang bukannye nak pegi melancong!

and kepade sesape yg buat MLM ke, pelaburan internet yg haram tu ke, whateva lah yg konon2 blh menambah income yg byk dlm mase singkat - x pyh lah susah2kan diri cari aku. konpem aku x bminat!

semoga kite semua dimurahkan rezeki… amin.

i love food. i simply love food. maybe tu sebab aku gemuk kot. tp aku wonder, does "i love food" equal to "i love to eat"? ntah lah.

i think the main reason i love food is my ayah. my ayah sure loves food too. and he loves meat! ok, memang la aku ni hidup senang but once my ayah used to be a government officer. during those days our family’s makan besar would be at a gerai. as far as i can remember, ayah aku slalu bawak kiteorg makan besar kat kl. i think the place was ‘benteng’. tp x igt sgt lah. our main menu would be of course sup ekor or sup tulang. & then ayah aku bawak kiteorg makan dekat sket ng shah alam. ss 15 subang jaya. n of course again the main menu was sup ekor or sup tulang. tp kali ni ayah aku introduce plak telur bungkus. memang time2 tu kalo makan sup ekor/ tulang tu kire plg best lah tu.

ayah aku ni yang aku ingat dulu kalo die dapat makan sedap jeh mesti after that die akan bawak kiteorang one family g tempat yg die dah rase sedap tuh. penah sekali tu die bawak kiteorg g mkn kat pwtc n he ordered the same dish for each and everyone. aku dh x igt la name makanan tu. but it was a plate of bihun garing overflowing with thick tasty gravy with some prawns in it. ala style cina lah. tp mmg sedap. & then ade satu hr tu die bwk blk new york cheese cake. a few pieces only. kiteorg mase tuh sume jakun. mane lah penah mkn cheesecake. aku x igt lah thn bp. tp mase tu aku makan sikit sgt. x reti ah. cam pelik jeh. rase cam muak2 tp tu dulu skrg hentam jeh. hehe.

macam aku cakap td ayah aku ni mmg meat lover. dulu2 die slalu bwak kiteorg makan sup ekor pastu beli dah senang sket, ayah aku start bawak kiteorang makan steak plak. tp special occasion je lah. kiteorg pnh makan sizzling steak kat coliseum cafe. mmg sedap bangat gravy die. tp sekali jeh kiteorg penah pegi. lps2 tu ayah aku kate kedai tuh dh tutup dah tp aku tau kedai tu bukak lagi. hmm x tau nape die tipu. lepas2 tu ayah aku bwk kiteorg makan kat victoria station plak. tp cam boring lah sane sbnrnye. or sbnrnye kiteorg dah boring makan steak kot. other places include chilli’s, this place that specializes in ribs and tgif. tp bg aku tgif lack of variety. bkn pe byk dish die yg masak ng wine or jack daniel’s. x silap aku ogos thn lepas tgif rombak menu dieorg & this time lg la byk dish yg masak ng alcohol. so tgif is officially out of my list. well, bkn lah all the time kiteorg makan steak kat tmpt mahal. kdg2 buat sendiri kat umah. i would be incharge of the side dishes ie mash potatoes n vegies and the gravy. tp steak yg msk kat umah slalunyer overly cooked. haha.

i also love japanese food thanx to my ayah. our first time was at a restaurant named hoshigaoka which used to be at the lot 10. skrg dah pindah kat the mall. tp x tau lah kalo dh tutup. awal2 dulu makan bento set jeh. mane nak makan sushi or shashimi… we went there a few times. pastu ayah aku order gak a plate of sushi. kiteorg asek luah blk jeh time tuh. jakun weh. x igtlah sape yg abehkan. tp sekarang mmg aku suke lah makan sushi. slalu beli kat jusco supermarket jeh. i love that rumpai laut taste. hmm…

tahun bp ntah ayah aku start bawak kiteorg makan dinner buffet kat hotel. slalunyer for bukak puase. our fav hotel for dinner buffet is sheraton subang. tp pnh gak cube kat shangri la kl n marriot putrajaya. dinner buffet lah yg aku plg suke sbnrnye. sblum g makan mmg pastikan perut lapar meaning lps lunch xleh makan pe lgsg. yg aku suke sbb ade sushi, shashimi, smoked salmon, lamb, pasta, fresh oyster, ice cream n dessert station! slalu doa2 jeh ade caramel pudding. hehe. tp dah lame dah yah aku x bwk sbb die kate mahal n x bbaloi. zaman kiteorg g dulu x semahal skrg. nway, one tip to remember; always go on wknds. on wknds the variety of food is much more satisying. wkdys slalunyer the variety is not much n u would end up eating local delicacies which is a dissapointement if u’r expecting a very international dinner buffet.

my definite passion is pasta. aku x penah lah g makan kat italian restaurant. mak aku lah yg start masak spaghetti kat umah. lame2 mak aku suruh aku masak sdiri. aku mmg masak kuah spaghetti sdiri. bkn beli yg jenih prego tu ye. n i love to use spaghettini or vermicelli. nipis sket banding spaghetti. makan pon rase puas lagi. ade sekali tuh aku try buat linguine with this prawn sauce which the recipe require lots of garlic n olive oil. tp serious la sedap bangat!!! resepi mase tuh amek kat buku along (kakak fidah). tp cost tinggi so x bp lah nak buat. skrg ni dok berangan nak buat lasagna. dulu2 penah buat gak tp rase cam leceh giler so stop buat tp hr tu tgk david rocco buat yg simple nyer so nak tiru lah. david rocco nyer lasagna name lazy man’s lasagna. mudah je. tp xde oven la kat umah. so tunggu lah ntah bile thn nak cube. haiyo.

aku rase yg plg best nak makan2 kat jb. mase sethn aku buat kpli kat mpti mmg best. gerai2 makan kat jb mmg best. & u can get food at any time of the day. my fav things to eat there were mee wantan, ayam masak cili padi, otak-otak (tiga2 kat gerai msc), beef kue tiaw (sedap corner), bubur ayam (food court xtra), cendawan goreng (gerai pisang goreng on the way nak g xtra)… ape lg ek. tp food mmg sdp la in jb. mkn kat kantin skolah mase praktikum pon sedap. mase aku dating slalunyer makan nasi putih, sup sayur, telur dadar or telur bungkus n udang masak pedas. sup sayur plg sedap kat gerai perumahan kastam. time dating x pnh makan mahal. hee…

aku ni rindu nak makan2 sebab lg dua minggu aku nak blk semenanjung for cuti sekolah. so in my list i have:

1. mee sup maphilindo (psr mlm sek 6)

2. popiah basah (psr mlm sek 6)

3. yong tau foo

4. laksa johor

5. satay kajang

6. nasi kerabu (kedai soto sek 8 - time bfast)

7. sushi kat supermarket jusco

8. char kue tiaw kat blkg petronas parit buntar

9. apam balik nipis kat billion parit buntar

byk lg sbnrnye tp xleh nak recall skrg. of course la aku nak mintak mak aku masak macam2. eh mau naik bkilo2 nnt dlm mase dua minggu cuti sekolah tuh. haih =)

ONE - About you

+ Known as: Wani

+ Born: 14 Feb 1981

SECTION 2 - HAVE YOU EVER

+ Fallen off the bed?: I dont know

+ Broken someone else’s heart?: Once. & then he wrote me a sajak…

+ Had your heart broken?: Yes

+ Had a dream come true?: Never

SECTION 3 - CURRENTLY…

+ Wearing: Kaftan

+ Listening to: Friends on Star World

+ Chatting with: Aisyah

SECTION 4 - DO YOU…

+ Have any piercings: Used to have four but currently none. All closed up already.

+ Drive: Yes

+ Drink: No

+ Have a cell phone: Yes

SECTION 5 - LAST PERSON YOU…

+ Hugged: Aisyah

+ Talked with on the phone: Akma

+ Text: Akma

SECTION 6 - FAVORITES

+ Show: ANTM, Grey’s Anatomy, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, Heroes, CSI and any show that involves food…

+ Food: Italian

+ Color: All kinds of red

SECTION 7 - DO YOU…

+ Like to give hugs: Depends

+ Like to walk in the rain: No

+ Prefer black or blue: Black

+ Sleep on your side: I usually sleep in betwen my husband and Aisyah so I have no side.

+ Have stuffed animals: No

SECTION 8- This Or That..(pick)

+ Pierced nose or tongue: Neither

+ MTV or BET: MTV

+ 7th Heaven or Dawsons Creek: A few years ago - 7th Heaven

+ Chocolate or flowers: Chocolate

+ Colored or black-and-white photo: Coloured

+ Stay up late or sleep in: Sleep in

+ Hot or cold: Hmm hot food, cold drinks.

+ Sun or moon: Moon

+ Left or Right: Right side of classroom. I feel most comfortable tilting my head to the left.

+ Spring or Fall: Spring

+ Happy or sad: Happy

+ Wonder or amazement: Amazement

SECTION 9: FIRSTS.

+ First piercing/tattoo: I got my ears pierced when I was 5.

+ First crush: 8

SECTION 10: LASTS.

+ Last time you cried: A few nights ago but it was just a tear or two.

+ Last phone call: Just now.

SECTION 11: CURRENT.

Current mood: Bored.

Current food: Toast with tuna & cheese

Current annoyance(s): My students & myself.

SECTION 12: WHO LAST…

1. Made you smile: Akma, Oja & Shah. Love them lots.

2. Made you cry: My self esteem…

SECTION 13: WOULD YOU RATHER…

1. Be serious or be funny?: Funny

2. Drink whole or skim milk?: Whole

3. Spend time with your parents or enemy?: Parents. I miss them so much.

SECTION 14: DO YOU PREFER…

1. Do you prefer gray or black?: Black

2. Lust or love?: Love

3. Sunrise or sunset?: Sunset

4. M&M’s or skittles?: Skittles

SECTION 15: ANSWER TRUTHFULLY…

1. Do you like anyone right now?: I like my new colleagues.

2. Do you believe in love at first sight?: Used to

3. Do you fall for the wrong guy or girl?: Used to

korang tau x knp sbnrnye name blog aku ni living two lives? aku jamin sure korang x tau… 1st entry aku dulu bohong je tuh… i’m living two lives because i’m living both in reality and fantasy. ye tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, aku adalah antara orang yang paling kuat berangan dlm dunia. walopon x dpt nak diverifykan oleh mane2 pihak tp seriously i’m not ur average daydreamer.

selayaknye aku ni dimasukkan ke wad sakit jiwa. but seeing a psychiatrist is really taboo in our culture kan? ntah la. if i could turn back time i would change everything about my life. aku tau bunyinye sungguh cliche but seriously i would. i once read "learn to say past is past". yeah. past is past. past is past. past is past. erm xde kesan pape pon…

ape ek antara benda yang aku teringin nak tukar kalo blh… (x blh ckp sume kang ade yg bunuh diri kang lps bace blog aku ni).

mase tadika aku ade masuk psembahan akhir tahun. menari ng pom pom dgn iringan lagu ‘conga’ nyanyian gloria estefan. tp aku x pegi pon walopon penat blatih. mak aku x bwk pegi. ntah np. kecewa aku. punah trus self esteem aku. kalo korang tgk family album aku kan, aku sorg je xde gambar buat persembahan. that was the first n the last. mase darjah dua ade cikgu buat persembahan snow white tp aku malu nak masuk. maybe sbb pengalaman time tadika tuh. mase darjah empat pon cmtu, nak masuk koir tp malu… sampai sudah x pnh naik pentas.

mase form 3 x silap, aku malu nak ikut rombongan panjat gunung kinabalu. mmg aku ni pemalu (low self esteem). yelah xkn lah si gemok ni nak panjat gunung?

kt uni10… aku nyesal mngurat jejaka2 perasan. korang silap. mmg la aku minat korang tp kalo korang layan aku cm kawan sure aku trus lupe aku minat korang. mmg perangai aku camtu. mula2 minat pastu ngurat pastu kawan. bukannye aku nak kawin doh! aku berani cakap la, buat mase ni ade 3 mamat yg dulu aku minat giler2 tp skrg kekal mjd kawan2 aku. sampai skrg tau. appreciate it guys!

kalo bab belajar mmg aku nyesal gak x blajar rajin2. tp aku mmg x pandai belajar for / amek exam. kalo buat assignment terer aaa. pnh tu assignment group aku highest dalam kelas. n aku kire org kuat time tuh. bangga tul lah. lagi satu aku ni x blajar rajin sbb aku ni kan low self esteem so bile org start compete ng aku, aku pon trus la malas. aku sbnrnye plg nyampah kalo org suke compete ng aku, suke nak banding2 kan. korang punye pasal lah aku tension nak blajar. ape la salahnye korang compete ng diri sendiri. x pon kalo nak compete sangat ng aku yg kurang pandai ni diam2 je la. jgn la sampai aku tau. aku x suke la hidup dibayangi kejayaan org lain. n believe me if/ when i score better than u did, i never really celebrate ok?!

pastu nyesal aku x masuk um. kalo aku masuk um dulu xde la hutang ptptn aku menimbun. xde la gaji aku kurang rm500. korang tau x suruhanjaya perkhidmatan pendidikan (spp) x iktiraf ipts. kalo aku ni pemegang ijazah perakaunan (or ape2 ijazah profesional) ipta gaji aku skrg dapt lebih rm500. rm500 tau! korang nak tau x np aku x masuk um. jawapannye sbb aku x sanggup nak menempuh lagi minggu orientasi. bodoh kan reason aku. mase tu uni10 dah start dulu baru dapt surat panggilan upu. sbb aku ni low self esteem aku mmg la x sanggup nak lalui orientasi yang akan memaksa aku buat macam2 ng blari2, etc…

and of course la kalo aku blh ubah segalanye aku akan pastikan aku ni kurus (tp bkn lah kurus kering, kurus ade isi), cantek & pandai… pandai xde la tahap genius tp blh la score above 3.5 kat u. muahaha.

byk lagi sbnrnye aku nak ubah tp macam aku ckp td kang ade yang bunuh diri kang lps bace blog aku nih.

meh aku tanye korang plak satu soalan yang tentu2 korang ade jawapan.

what would u change about ur life?

ahh tensen, dah la cuti sekolah tp aku sekeluarge tpakse kuarentin diri sendiri kt umah. mula2 aisyah yg kena. sbb family mama die sume sakit mate. hr khamis aisyah kena. x teruk sgt, br nk start. aku takut je die meragam nnt tp alhamdulillah xde plak. lps pakai ubat hospital sipitang x sampai dua kali mate anak aku tu trus baik. syukur. aisyah mmg sesuai beno ubat spital kjaan. x mahal. singgit sekali pegi. pastu ayah aisyah plak kena. yak yak. aku gumbira. gumbira?! sbb xyh la che abg aku tu g camping. muahaha. so xyah la susah2 aku nak tinggal sorang2. nasib baik pon sbb mlm yg abg aku supposedly g camping tu aisyah ngigau. menangis tlalak2 dlm tido. kul 1130mlm. baby ni bukannye blh kejut bgn cm kite. kalo aku tinggal sorang sure dh kena panick attack dah. aku plak sabtu mlm ahad br sakit mate. lambat sket. tp ni la pertama kali aku kena sakit mate dlm idup aku tau. huduh btul rupenye. bile tunduk gile rase bijik mate nak tkluar bgolek2. sakit!!!

aku cuti hr ni. cuti peristiwa sbb smlm ng kelmarin sekolah aku hari sukan. walopon sipitang skrg tgh musim panas (seriusly panas terik even early in the morning) tp seronok gak. ye lah, lama x dpt can nk bsorak. aku rase aku lg over dr student aku, hehe. syok2. rumah aku dpt 2nd place. tp yg bestnye perbarisan rumah aku johan! lg best nyer aku lah guru penasihat. yak yak. walopon aku ni bkn la komandan nyer tp aku lah yg dok kejar bdk yg ponteng latihan, yg tgk latihan cm warden penjara dgn rotanku yg panjang sentiase di tgn (sbnrnye aku x pnh guna pon… eksen je), yg macam2 lg lah. sbnrnye aku x bajet pon blh menang. mane x nyer, kontijen aku la yg plg simple bj nye. mmg cam underdog giler ah. tp rupenye keseragaman amat baik n displin pon tinggi (xde satu pon bdk aku yg pengsan banding ng umah2 sukan yg lain. aku dah lecture dah the day before supaya sume ahli perbarisan mkn breakfast kenyang2). yg plg aku tharu sekali bile one of my ahli perbarisan (kecik orngnye n anak org susah) ckp kt aku, "cikgu, aku indak sangka boleh menang,". translation - cikgu, saya tak sangka boleh menang.

walopon cuti aku tetap hantar aisyah g umah mama die. bit guilty but i need time for myself. aku tau x ramai ibu2 cm aku. bg aku even if u’r a wife and/ or a mom u still need ur time alone or with ur frens. nway, sbnrnye byk aku nk buat pg ni sblum abg aku n aisyah balik tghr nnt. i need to wash my long hair (x mandi lg ni hehee), sapu umah, lipat kain n masak. igt hr ni nak masak kari ayam. kalo aisyah ade payah gak nk buat keje bile kat umah sorg2 unless kalo die tido. well, i got plenty of time alone but no frens to spend them with.

yelah kan aku dok jauh dr sume org. and usually i’d entertain myself by watching tv. abg aku dok marah aku skrg. he says i’m a hantu tv nowadays. sori sayang at least u can kluar minum ptg2 n main badminton mlm2 with ur frens. mmg pon aku hantu tv. my have to watch shows include antm, grey’s anatomy (both on ntv7 n star world), ugly betty, desperate hsewives, heroes, csi… eh x byk pon. ntah la.

aisyah genap 8 bln hr ni. she’s healthy n looks berisi but she’s quite small for her age. nmpk cam baby 6 bln je. her latest tricks are panjat ibu, korek mulut ibu, rengau muka ibu n tarik rambut ibu mase ibu tgh baring2. pastu die blh gelak2 as if to say haha ibu xleh tido. her latest vocab is na na na. she can say ta ta ta (her first), da da da, n ma ma ma. lama lah lg nk panggil ibu tu… but i really mis her coos. it was the sweetest adorable sound she made. mase tu around 2 3 mths. if u hav a baby surely u know, if u dont one day u’ll find out.

nx wknd abg aku ade camping pngakap kat sekolah die. 3 days 2 nights. dilema tul lah. if u know me u’d know that i’m a penakut. x tau lah nak ajak org teman ke x 2 mlm tuh. ade la gak member2 yg single kt cni cuma aku pk sampai bile aku nak jd penakut. i have a baby now which it’s my job to protect her. tp aku xnk tgh2 mlm aku kena panick attack because i’m alone at home with my 8 mths old baby. n when i have panick attack i’ll become so vulnerable n i usually get ‘kacau’ by u-know-what. umah aku ni dh la plg hujung n sblh ade hutan. n it’s so sunyi here. help me frens. giv ur opinion.